Thursday, May 31, 2007

(Unrealistc) Expectations.

So then. Is anyone able to explain to me quite why I am so in love with the girl? I only ask because this week its all felt a little bit acute, and i'd like to try and understand it all a bit better. I'd like to think its because she is genuinely the most special person I have ever come across, and I know that for a very long time I've not met, or even encountered anyone that can hold any sort of candle to her. Even if it all ended acrimoniously tomorrow (as indeed I fairly well always expect it to) I don't think I'd regard her any differently, and my admiration would be undimmed.

I don't base any of this on her treatment of me, which is normally very kind and considerate, but not especially enlightening as to what would make her quite so compelling. Where feelings like this are essentially totally one-sided (yes, I know its all terribly sad isn't it ;-) ) I think i need to burrow a little deeper to work out why, a slightly scary 5 years later, it all still makes any sort of sense. And it doesn't help to make some sort of list of the pertinent qualities, as that only tells a part of the story - people like that are always greater than the sum of their parts (not to mention the fact any such list meets with imediate and occasionally violent denials as to its veracity).

Ah well, answers on a postcard to the usual address.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Well.



Saturday, May 05, 2007

This is the most important feeling in the world?

So. Here we are on a saturday morning nursing a slightly sore head and slightly more brusied ego - this, you understand, is not an unfamiliar feeling, and while I did nothing especially catastrophic last night it can't be said to have gone well - which is a real shame when you let down someone you care about.

It occurs to me that I've been going off on these fairly abstract filghts of fancy and have said little lately about whats actually been going on - this is mostly because not a lot has been. I'm still working at the currency place and the theater (racking up around 60 hours a week) which has left me feeling pretty drained. I've decided that I really ought to learn to drive this summer (only 10 years overdue, but I don't like to rush these things) and other than this I carry on pretty well as usual.