Week orf

So here we are, with a whole week and absolutely nothing to do. 

Oddly doesn't feel like enough.

I should *probably* try and fix the most important friendship I had, but I fear its probably a bit late for that.

Weekends.

Yet another weekend of having not done any of the things I really ought to have done. I was knackered on saturday that it was a complete right-off (the most exciting thing that i managed was to watch the last two episodes of series three of deadwood) and today hasn't been a lot better.

Must try harder.

Man.

Illogical?

So, what kind of a crush is this (for a crush is surely what it is) it is something that deserves at least a little bit of thought, after all its been nearly five years (I think) without even feeling the need to so much as look at another girl.

Its an odd one, in that i'm quite happy with what i've got, although a little bit more stability would always be appreciated (if only for her sake).

Obviously its a little bit painful to see her going through the difficulties of relationships (especially with those who don't get her, or actively seem to be taking advantage - although of course I'm going to have a fairly universally dim view of them) but a little bit of heartbreak is not so great a price to pay.

The problem of course is that I just don't have the first clue what she really thinks of me. Its always possible that i'm a real pain. Still she knows all this and you think she'd of said *something* by now if that was the case.

The white stripes

(Unrealistc) Expectations.

So then. Is anyone able to explain to me quite why I am so in love with the girl? I only ask because this week its all felt a little bit acute, and i'd like to try and understand it all a bit better. I'd like to think its because she is genuinely the most special person I have ever come across, and I know that for a very long time I've not met, or even encountered anyone that can hold any sort of candle to her. Even if it all ended acrimoniously tomorrow (as indeed I fairly well always expect it to) I don't think I'd regard her any differently, and my admiration would be undimmed.

I don't base any of this on her treatment of me, which is normally very kind and considerate, but not especially enlightening as to what would make her quite so compelling. Where feelings like this are essentially totally one-sided (yes, I know its all terribly sad isn't it ;-) ) I think i need to burrow a little deeper to work out why, a slightly scary 5 years later, it all still makes any sort of sense. And it doesn't help to make some sort of list of the pertinent qualities, as that only tells a part of the story - people like that are always greater than the sum of their parts (not to mention the fact any such list meets with imediate and occasionally violent denials as to its veracity).

Ah well, answers on a postcard to the usual address.

Well.